Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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