Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
