How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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