you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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