i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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