Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
