Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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