we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
