HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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