Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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