He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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