why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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