1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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