We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can't talk, ducks in the car
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
