I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
