My first STD was from a foam party
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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