If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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