If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
