The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
