i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
