he shaved USA in his pubs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
