Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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