it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
