Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
