I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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