I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
