So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
