Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
