I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Duck Duck Cougar?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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