mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
