I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize