so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
