If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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