Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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