I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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