If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
