ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
