I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
