i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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