Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
