Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize