I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
