Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
