I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
