so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
