I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize