my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
