ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
