just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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