Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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