how can u be prego again
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
