You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
