I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
