its not stalking. its research.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
