I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who died my cat blue again?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
