it's like heaven, but drunker
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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