I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
