I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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