bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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