my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
