I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
