I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
