I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
