....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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