eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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