we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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