Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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