yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
