Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize