you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
