Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
