I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
