My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
