Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
