You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
