I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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