so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
