GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
