just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
