i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize