It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
