I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Too much gin, very little bucket
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
