What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
