What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
