Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
