yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
