I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
