You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
