Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize