Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
