I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
