OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
