your room smells of hookers.
And success
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
