Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
