The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
