if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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