I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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