I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
