I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
