i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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