i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
