I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
