google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
