You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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