so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
