@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
