She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
