I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
