So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
