Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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