I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
